The French!

An article in the Telegraph, a major British paper, says that Europeans hate the French. Join the club, Europe. These days it seems that everyone hates the French, and no one hates them more than Americans. But the world consensus on hating France made me think. How could a people be so universally hated?

I always cheer for the little guy, and in that moment France won my heart. There was something charming in their snobbish aloofness, their sense of condescension, and their pretension. I couldn't figure out why I liked them so much, but I began to study them, and I believe I have solved the puzzle. I have cracked the Chirac code (although no novels are forthcoming).

Here's the theory: the French are kidding. That's right. Sometime after the French revolution, the whole country got together and had a meeting. It went like this:

"Ok. Here's the deal. Let's all wear berets. Don't tell Europe. Act like we really like them. We'll wear them all the time."

"That's rich! Pierre, you're hilarious!"

"Let's not stop there. We'll talk through our nose, and let's all act like we don't know English."

"Too funny. I got one too! Let's act like Francois isn't a sissy name."

"Classic. This guy is classic!"

That's my theory. The other half of the theory is that sometime around 2050 they're going to let everybody in on the joke. And we're all going to have a long laugh together.